Forgive me for chiming in before reading all of your threads, although I have read enough to feel pretty up to speed for now...
Gabbysmom is right. NOTHING your H does right now is going to be right for you.
And my honest opinion (based on what I have read already) is that that has pretty much always been the case, at least when it comes to your children.
I didn't really see much PA stuff in his response to you. I saw him clarifying what you said you wanted.
I also think you are making major assumptions about the counselor that he has suggested (although he apparantly has suggested comparing lists like Gabbysmom did).
Just because she teaches the coparenting class required by law doesn't mean that is all she does.
And those classes are meant to teach you how to be able to communicate effectivly as coparents, not "do this" "don't do that".
Reality is, he is going to parent differently than you. You are not one in the same person. He is going to allow different things than you will. Different bed times, different chore expectations, etc...
That is something that will happen, married or not.
You are going to have to learn to let go of some of the control because that is part of what got you (and most of us here) into this situation in the first place.
I was reading the other day about making relationships better, because I don't want to end up back here again and we can all use reminders that will help to keep our relationships happy and healthy...
It was a blog post from a woman who wanted to leave her husband.
She went to her parents. Her mother said she would support her AFTER she did one thing...
She had her write a list of all of the husbands faults.
She then had her write a list of her reactions to all of those faults.
The mother then sent the woman home with the list of her reactions, and told her to spend 24 hours reflecting on them, and to then make her final decision.
The woman did that, prayed, thought, cried and realized that her reactions were actually worse than most of his faults (her reasons for leaving).
She chose not to leave her marriage and began working on herself.
In order to improve any relationship, we have to be willing to look at ourselves first.
Just some food for thought...
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
