Reaching out for support and advice 4

[bluesgal]

Oh how the kids suffer in this mess! I met a couple of girlfriends for drinks last night while H was visiting the kids. D15 texted repeatedly until I finally came home to her. She was crying and shaking and breaking down. She is worried I am going to leave like dad left. She worries when I am gone and wants me back by her side.

I'm glad H finally got to witness this but I know the pressure is too much for him right now. D15 demanded answers- "What are we doing" "When are you coming home" etc.

H cried and was sick about this (He actually vomited). This is such a mess and now my kids are developing abandonment fears. We had a very routine life before all this, so it has really rocked our world.

Only thing H would agree to was that he wanted to put our family back together and he would get help and seek counseling immediately.

H says he spends 95% of his time alone. He says he doesn't recognize himself anymore. He is stressed to the point of sickness. He is still projecting, but actually sat down and shared some inner thoughts last night.

He said he does not want a D but truly fears he will never be able to get those loving feelings back for me. He says he looks at me and the hurt floods him and he doesn't know how to change that. He admitted to being depressed and even entertained a possible MLC!!

At one point after D went to sleep, he laid on the floor and cried. He is a hot mess! He is completely lacking coping skills to solve his issues. All he does is go straight down rewritten memory lane.

I wish I could save my kids from this nightmare!!

I know you're not supposed to focus on MLC stages, but I really wish I knew what stage this is. I can't imagine the depression getting any worse.