She left - 2

[gogofo]

The best part of the talk was that it was not hostile.

Other things she said were that she was mad when I would show up to get the kids the first couple of weeks cleanly shaven and dressed nice. She felt it was an insult to her that I could not look nice when we were together, but when she leaves I all of the sudden decide to look good. She feels that the way I look is a reflection on her and the way she looks is a reflection on me, and when I was doing bad the last 6 months and looked like crap it was because I didn't care enough to look good for her.

The statement about divorcing and then waiting for me to come back still throws me through a loop. I wanted to just yell, "I still Fxxking love you!" I don't see how she does not know that I love her still.

She was weeping off and on during our talk and I know she still hurts and is angry at the situation. She is angry because as she said "If I had tried, just the tiniest bit, she would never have left." This angers me because I was trying my ass off, in the wrong love language, but I was trying. I was in a state of neurosis and was basically sick for those six months and she had to bear the brunt of my action/inaction during this time.

She does not know if she could ever feel for me again, but she has stated that she is done trying. Again I wanted to say that "I will do what ever is possible to build a better relationship. Let me lead and you can follow when you feel comfortable." but I didn't.

From my perspective the path from here forward is easy to figure out, we would work on our connection with each other. We do not have any hatred with each other, just pain from past memories. I would have us talking more and even going out together to reconnect.

All she has ever said about the future involves her continuing with the separation. She talks as if this is permanent, but her feelings that she displays kind of contradict her words. I know not to believe half of what she says and I take her words as trying to rationalize her decision.