3boyz, I am curious whether you have spoken with a child Psych about your sitch at all. I think that we, as mothers, tend to think we know what is best for our kids. And I think that we do, for the most part. But, I know I have to admit that as much as I try, in this crazy emotional situation, I am not sure I can entirely separate my desires from the best interest of my kids. I did speak with someone right around BD, but now that we are discussing permanent plans, I am going to see another expert who can help me to make the right decisions. What I am wondering about in your case is the family time - I wonder if that is confusing your boys and that is making this harder on them. I'm not saying it is, I am no expert. Just saying it's something I would want to ask about. In fact, I will likely ask that question myself. First I wanted family time because I was trying to get H back. Now I don't want to be around him, but he wants it for the stated reason that the kids should see we get along (but I think it's really because he thinks that the kids won't be as mad at him if they think I like him). Anyway, none of that matters other than what is best for them, which is why I think it's good to have a neutral opinion from someone who is familiar with this stuff.
((3)))
I have not met with a child psych yet about the kids. I have discussed some things with my C. I fully intend to meet with a child psych if things continue to proceed towards a D. I honestly want to do what is best for the kids. I know that my H will agree to attend.
I agree 3 Boyz. It sounds like you have had many positive communications with your h. That is good. However, it can cause expectations. Expectations=bad. Sometimes, it seems (gasp!) almost easier when they act like an a$$. I do have to chuckle at the comment by your h about having dinners if/when he remarries. Maybe you get there one day-who knows? But it seems premature to even mention something as uncomfortable as that. Yikes!
Hang in there:)
You are right Georgia! It was a lot easier when my H was acting like an a$$. I literally had no expectations at that point. Now that he is acting like a normal human being again and has changed and made sacrifices for the kids happiness (instead of just his own happiness), it hurts that he does not do the same thing for me. Bad expectations!! I need to drop them ASAP.
Great posts above and a lot to ponder....So those posts will be enough to limit my thoughts.
As for the sports....I do have an opinion.Now this is coming from a guy who played competitive sports from 4 to 22 (into division 1 college) and has been coaching youth soccer for 7 years. The boys really don't need practice time outside of team practice just yet....give them a mitt, ball, etc (I just don't recommend a bat....personal experience on that one). Let them develop their love of the sport on their own. Trust me that they will. As a coach....just kicking a ball around the yard is the best thing for them.
Thanks LFW!! I just want my kids to have fun and figure out their own interests. I am actually more focused on them getting to have one-on-one time with either me or my H since it is hard to get that individualized time with three kiddos in the house.
Big events, well, for a while I had the " don't bring OW anywhere near me" for a while. I lost that battle after they got married. So, she is there for graduations, dance recitals, and we will have had a meal after these events once, all of is, including OW.
Not something I suggest for everyone, the meals anyways. It took me a long time until I would even meet her.
Gabbysmom - You really are an inspiration. I hope that I am able to get to this point somewhere done the road.
I am h's w#2. Possibly STB xw#2. Things were awkward at first with w1. Now (As mentioned above) she and I actually help each other out. She even occasionally babysit s for me. She and I spend more tune attending step kid stuff than h does. 2x a year we have a family dinner for the stepkids b days.
I was not an OW. I can't imagine being this evolved if H starts wanting me to be around OW. I guess my point is we don't know what the future holds so we just have to plan for today.
Thanks Julie. You are right that we don't know what the future holds. For some reason, I can picture being civil if my H remarried someone other than OW. There is just something about the OW and how my H treated me during the A that prevents me from even contemplating being civil with the OW, let alone dealing with her at all in my life.
But I don't have to worry about any of that today. I just need to focus on myself and finding my path. H has his own (I will keep repeating this over and over until I get it)!
