I think I belong here....

[praying_in_GA]

Yes, that was the first thing that popped into my head during this conversation. He is here and he seems ever so slightly open to things. If I work on me maybe he will follow.

He doesn't want to lead me on. He is worried I will attach myself to that string of hope and he will break my heart again. Everything he does (or avoids doing) is to keep me from being strung along by him. He feels terrible that he has done this to me again. Last time he didn't care as ... This time is different.

[praying_in_GA]

Oh this man made me angry last night. I just shut down and left for work.

I work 12 hour night shifts. I worked Wednesday night. I slept off and on Thursday. His mother watched the kids while he went to school and had lunch with his friends. I thought was getting the night off from work but got called in 2 hours later. So, worked 12 hours, slept a few hours, and headed back back to work. I mentioned that due to Friday's schedule I wouldn't be sleeping at all and will work all weekend as well. My D8 has practice from 9-10:30, the rescue is coming to get our dog at 1pm, and then D8 has practice again from 4-7. He says he doesn't know when he will be home. He has class then lunch with his friend(s?). He suggests that we skip D8s morning practice to sleep. Instead of him skipping (yet another) lunch with his possibly OW, he wants our kid to miss practice.

I came on into work and rescheduled the rescue pick for 3pm. I asked him to be sure to be home in time to meet them so that I could go to practice our daughter.

Anyway, it looks like I have a nice 7 months or so to effectively change my life and see if he decides that we are worth the fight. I need to get my butt into detach mode ASAP.

[praying_in_GA]

This is going to be long but I REALLY need some insight please....please....

This morning while he was getting ready for school he decided we would talk. This is going to be a jumbled mess because that is what is swimming through my head and I am so very tired.

He said that the last week or so has been great. He is confused. He is used to leaning one way and now everything is going a different way. He said he wants me to stop trying. It seems fake since it is so different from what he is used to. He doesn't want me to continue to try so hard for someone who has already decided he is leaving. He wants me to let him go so he feels better about leaving. He repeated the word confused several times in different ways.

He said he is only wearing his band because he knows it makes me feel better. He said he will take it off now if that will convince me it is over. He repeated several times that he hates hurting me. He just wants this over so I will accept it and move on so he can stop hurting me. He said we should be friends because we do have 3 kids together and we will need that friendship to raise them.

He said we haven't lived as a married couple in years and he doesn't know how that's supposed to work. He realized he was just living here because it was his fate. He has three kids to support and he felt like he was doing what he was supposed to do. He said he feels like we should let each other go and find our happiness. He knows we will be great friends and co-parents because we started out this journey as best friends.

He said I should stop being so different. The last week or so I have been totally different and it is strange to him. It is nice and he has enjoyed it but I should stop. He asked if I was just doing it to try and save the marriage. I told him that I was doing what I wanted to do. I told him I was doing what should have been done a long time ago. I told him I was happy with our family together. I told him I was NOT asking for an answer or a definite or a guarantee. He said he would give us until the end of the year and I think he should continue to do that but if he felt like leaving was the best option then I couldn't stop him.

He said he is already sure of where we will end, he is just giving me time to get there as well. He said he has intentionally tried to pick fights with me and I am not responding like I usually do and it is confusing him. He said if it would make things more real for me that he would go ahead and file for divorce this summer and he would go ahead and move out now.

He said he has seen me changing but instead of continuing to do that why don't I spend my time letting him go and just give us up. Kind of drop the rope and walk away so that we can both accept that things have ended. He said I am not letting go appropriately by making things better around the house and with us. He said I am going to end up being hurt more later down the line because I won't let us go now. He wants me to stop and just accept the end so that I can move on and be done.

I am sure a ton more was said but I am exhausted and he was talking a lot and I was trying to take it all in and now I am just....more tired.

[Georgiabelle]

Oh this is MLC script. They must read from the same text book. It sounds like he's testing you. Here's the deal. Any changes you make, have to be for you. If he doesn't like them or wants you to stop I don't think you should. Why? Because the changes are for you.

I am in similar sich and h wanted me to "just let him go." He didn't know why and after watching how his bizarre behavior was affecting our children, he moved out. It's not that I truly wanted him to move out, but I had to think if my kids as he certainly wasn't. It sounds like you h is good with the kids.

I know it's difficult (trust me!!!!)and you are crumbling inside. However, keep focusing in you and your kids. You cannot change him or fix this for him. Act like you are happy with your life and let this run it's course. Become the best you - not for him but for you. It's important to show our that sometimes life throws is a curve ball. I know it $&cks but let him figure out his caca. Leave him alone.

We are here for you.

[praying_in_GA]

At the beginning I thought to myself ..."yes! he seems to have opened up a little." Then he ended with "I will take my ring off now if that will convince you I am serious."

I have been happy with myself this past week or so. I have been happy with my family and my husband. I haven't been GAL as much as I should but that's because I don't have the available time. However, I have made major 180s in my life and my relationships. If he doesn't like it, he knows where the door is.

A few days ago he even got his suitcase down to get ready to move.

[praying_in_GA]

He is really good with the kids. He is an amazing father.

[TL72*]

Yep I second what GB said. go on with your life as if he will not be around. work on detaching, you definitely need to sleep. take care of yourself and keep doing the changes that are working for you. hang in there!

[Georgiabelle]

Praying,

That is great that your h is a good father. I certainly can't relate to that and that is a bonus. Be kind to yourself.

[praying_in_GA]

I feel like crying. It just hit me all at once. Patience. This won't magically fix itself over night. Detach and give him space. Yea, I know.... But I feel like a ball of weakness right now.

[praying_in_GA]

He took off his wedding band. I'm crushed. My marriage is truly on this path. A flood of emotions. Ready to burst into tears. This hurts so much. So much.