[quote=ericmsant2]
The two above quotes is the issue that I see. You are still hurt, understandably so, but it is the HURT that is driving your choices.
Figure out what you want and what you can live with. You cannot expect for him to change, leave ow, or to be the type of friend that you want him to be. What you can do, is determine what you want.
[quote]

You are right Eric. I am still hurt by the A and how my H treated me. The good thing is that I have learned to come here and let out my pain and anger and not reach immediately based on emotions.

The hard part is figuring out what I want. I realize that I am letting fear drive my decisions....more on this below.

[quote=ericmsant2]
(((hugs))…Yep it [censored]. They are gonna cry. IMO, this is where YOU can make a difference for THEM. You can explain to them that they will have dinner with Daddy on X day and that maybe sometime in the future they will have dinner with mom and dad. This is where you can show them strength, you can show them that regardless, even if the family unit is changing it STILL IS A FAMILY. Just a little different than what they are used to. You can also help show them how to ACCEPT change and how not to be afraid of change. Lessons they will keep for life.
[quote]

This is one thing that I know I am doing right. I originally set our custody schedule up for this exact reason. H wanted it to be completely flexible (just decide at the last minute) but I knew that we needed a default schedule that could be modified if needed. S5 needs to know the schedule in advance. He asks all the time when he is going to be with me or H. If they get upset, I always point out when they get to see H again, or me again or when we may even have dinner as a family.

[quote=ericmsant2]
STOP EXPECTING something different from him. EXPECTATION = DISAPPOINTMENT, which leads to hurt, anger and fustration. ACCEPT where he is today. It takes a lot of practice 3B…a lot…but you can get there.
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Intellectually, I can accept where he is. Before having a conversation, I can pretty much predict what H will say or how he will react, which helps to minimize the hurt and frustration. My heart is still slow to catch up. I am having a hard time processing the fact that there is not one person in the world that my H has treated worse than me (at least in the 15 years that I have known him). I just cant wrap my head and heart around the fact that my H shows no remorse or empathy for what he did to me. I know that it will take time and probably years of therapy to move past that pain. But I am working hard to try and get there.