I think I belong here....

[praying_in_GA]

This is going to be long but I REALLY need some insight please....please....

This morning while he was getting ready for school he decided we would talk. This is going to be a jumbled mess because that is what is swimming through my head and I am so very tired.

He said that the last week or so has been great. He is confused. He is used to leaning one way and now everything is going a different way. He said he wants me to stop trying. It seems fake since it is so different from what he is used to. He doesn't want me to continue to try so hard for someone who has already decided he is leaving. He wants me to let him go so he feels better about leaving. He repeated the word confused several times in different ways.

He said he is only wearing his band because he knows it makes me feel better. He said he will take it off now if that will convince me it is over. He repeated several times that he hates hurting me. He just wants this over so I will accept it and move on so he can stop hurting me. He said we should be friends because we do have 3 kids together and we will need that friendship to raise them.

He said we haven't lived as a married couple in years and he doesn't know how that's supposed to work. He realized he was just living here because it was his fate. He has three kids to support and he felt like he was doing what he was supposed to do. He said he feels like we should let each other go and find our happiness. He knows we will be great friends and co-parents because we started out this journey as best friends.

He said I should stop being so different. The last week or so I have been totally different and it is strange to him. It is nice and he has enjoyed it but I should stop. He asked if I was just doing it to try and save the marriage. I told him that I was doing what I wanted to do. I told him I was doing what should have been done a long time ago. I told him I was happy with our family together. I told him I was NOT asking for an answer or a definite or a guarantee. He said he would give us until the end of the year and I think he should continue to do that but if he felt like leaving was the best option then I couldn't stop him.

He said he is already sure of where we will end, he is just giving me time to get there as well. He said he has intentionally tried to pick fights with me and I am not responding like I usually do and it is confusing him. He said if it would make things more real for me that he would go ahead and file for divorce this summer and he would go ahead and move out now.

He said he has seen me changing but instead of continuing to do that why don't I spend my time letting him go and just give us up. Kind of drop the rope and walk away so that we can both accept that things have ended. He said I am not letting go appropriately by making things better around the house and with us. He said I am going to end up being hurt more later down the line because I won't let us go now. He wants me to stop and just accept the end so that I can move on and be done.

I am sure a ton more was said but I am exhausted and he was talking a lot and I was trying to take it all in and now I am just....more tired.