tbm4evr ...continued2

[nit84]

tbm,

That mood you says she is in is the mood WAW will always be in for the time being.

Why not get your own wine? Even if she was pouring herself a glass, still get your own. IMHO doing things like this will push W farther away, making her see "more of the same" from you. You are allowing her justify her decision to walk.

Is the wine pouring a small issue of a bigger problem possibly? It seems a bit needy IMO.

As far as doing everything and getting nothing in return, MWD says pretty quickly in DR that the LBH will have to pull up their sleeves and get ready to do all the work for now. It is not fair but that is how it is and it is key if you want to R with your W.

I feel for you and what you are going through. You have some of best veterans on this forum commenting and helping you out. Not being on here long I don't consider myself a vet. So I hang on their advice and try to use it if I can. If not, I explain why and they tell me where my thinking is probably off. I/you have a choice to heed their advice or to dismiss it. It probably is somewhere in between. The point is they are here to help.

I do visit other peoples threads on here when I see a veteran, that I respect, trying to help them out. The sitches aren't exactly like mine or yours but it allows me to see the wisdom in what they telling these other people who are in the same boat as us.

Listen to what these guys/girls say they know what it takes to R a relationship. Not all are successful in saving their M but they still have great advice to offer.

It is hard to look at yourself in the mirror and be honest with yourself about what you see looking back at you.

I had the same problem when I first S, but I decided that I wanted to fight for my M and started doing it hopefully all the hard work will pay off. If it doesn't I am confident in the fact that I will ok no matter what.

I am 9 months in and I am prepared for as long as it takes. I have seen baby steps from my W and that is all I can ask for. More importantly, I have discovered a lot about myself through this turmoil and love the person I am becoming. I have a ways to go and it is a lifetime journey.

My W has commented on a couple of occasions about these changes I have made/am making and it seems to upset her. That is not my goal to upset her but I cant control her feelings.

I am making these life changes for MYSELF, you need to do the same. It will pay off for in ways you don't even know about yet. You have to start though so when you look back on this time of upheaval in your life YOU can say proudly I made it through and came out the other side a stronger person. This applies to whether or not you R with your W. Life doesn't stop if DBing fails so you must do things moving forward that help YOU out.

I am sorry for being long winded and I hope your sitch improves.

I look at it this way, at some future date I want to be just like some of these vets and say I have R and pass what I did on to someone else to help them through.

The only way I can make that happen is to try and follow advice from this forum and be proud of the person I see in that mirror every morning. It my choice to do this or not. I choose yes. I hope you agree with at least some of what I have written.

Hang in there, one way or another it will work out!!