I'm not okay with him taking the dog, mainly because it's disrespect. I absolutely care for the dog- he ran away and left everything here. I do feel like he's hiding, and of course like most WAS pop back up when they feel they can handle a tiny piece of real life. Taking her for the weekend is not the issue, taking her for the weekend so he can hang out with OW and her dog all weekend is where the disrespect comes in.
It's not worth a fight- if he pushed the issue I would let him do it. But, since he's asking...
Yeah- his friends have openly campaigned for him to leave me. The difference here is his friends are older, actually (OW is the same age, but the others are in their late 50s).
Smh :-/
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
That makes sense. That's right. When you leave, there are consequences as these folks aren't children. They only act like it:(
Try to put this behind you and have a great day !
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
The following text exchanged happened: H: so I guess not (referring to him asking if it's okay if he comes to get the dog. I did not respond) Me: You can come and get her if you want. I did not respond because I wasn't sure what to say. The lake has bad associations for me. Our marriage vows were broken and those trips to the lake played a major role in that. It brings up a lot of emotions for me. ..and that you can't see how it would affect me hurts, as well. My emotions are my problem, I'm just letting you know where I'm coming from. H: I'm sorry, I was unhappy and we discussed it on a few occasions over the years but it didn't seem important to you. I have given up/lost everything. I don't even have a bed... I'm sorry this causes you pain, it hasn't been easy for me either. Me: if I understood how important it was to you, I would have gladly gone. I didn't understand. H: it seems there were several things that I deemed important, but you did not. I'm not pointing fingers because I did the same thing. I'm not coming to get the dog.
Do I let it end there? He's angry/agitated/defensive and I'm hurt.
What do I do, guys???
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
Well first of all you should have just said this...
" You can come and get her if you want."
And not this...
"I did not respond because I wasn't sure what to say. The lake has bad associations for me. Our marriage vows were broken and those trips to the lake played a major role in that. It brings up a lot of emotions for me. ..and that you can't see how it would affect me hurts, as well. My emotions are my problem, I'm just letting you know where I'm coming from."
You did read DB/DR right? That's the reason why it says NO RELATIONSHIP TALKS.
Be aware of that from here on out.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I have read DB/DR, and my IC is also SBT based. He has been egging me to get my feelings out there. Normally I do not, so this is a 180 for me.
My instinct was to sweep it all under the rug. But that's not 180, so I tried so something different oops I guess we will have to wait and see what the result of this will be... I'm guessing he will disappear for a bit, which is what I need to happen at the moment.
I hate this.
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
No you're not over-reacting, but right now you can't keep bringing up how you feel because his reaction will continue to be resentful/angry. It comes from you making him feel guilty and the anger is his defense mechanism.
Just don't do that any more and show him compassion rather than telling him how much you are hurt by him.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
FWIW, my IC is usually on-track with the advice given on this board. The main area he differs, is that he wants me to have R talks every once in a while. I have resisted up to this point, and I panicked!
Lesson learned!!!!
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
oops