I don't know exactly what it looks like. I know that right now it involves making sure the children have access to both parents frequently (i.e., not having 5 or 6 nights in a row away from either parent- it's obvious my S7 can't handle that.) It means the kids go to counseling regularly and H and I listen to what their C tells us. It means putting their needs WRT to minimizing their pain in this whole sitch above our own. And it means putting aside our own grievances with each other for the benefit of the kids.
To me, it means trying what we think might work and then making tweaks (or bigger changes) if necessary to make sure the kids are doing OK. For example, my kids FaceTimed with H tonight. They talked to him for about 15 minutes and he had to go. My S7 kept calling him back and he did not answer. This was 90 minutes ago, and my S7 is still lying in bed awake crying for Daddy. So, if this kind of thing continues, maybe S7 needs to spend more time with H, or maybe he needs to FT with him earlier in the day, or maybe he shouldn't FT him at all. I guess I would want to have some input from a child psych on this stuff.
I want things to be flexible depending on what the kids need, I guess.
I also hope that if my kids see a C regularly, my H and I will get some good information to help us see the areas where we need to step up for the kids. I know that my H hurts D9's feelings a lot. My D9 asked for a sports bra the other day at Nordstrom so I got her one. (Her cousin is 11 and hasn't developed yet either but wears one.) She loves it and I think she feels really grown up wearing it. My H asked her why she was wearing that and said it was pointless. She told me that bothered her, and I said, "I'm sorry, D9." She said, "well, it's OK, I don't really expect much from Dad." Ugh. It's this kind of stuff that my H just doesn't see. I used to try to explain this stuff to him but he saw it as me criticizing him and he was very resentful about it. Perhaps if someone else points it out he might be more receptive. And, hell, I probably am doing some things that I don't realize, too.
I am rambling now, but my point is, I just want to make sure that the kids come first.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
