*In case anyone is wondering, I'm not really certifiably crazy - I am just not that good at figuring out where my feelings are coming from, so sometimes I go through a number of possibilities before figuring it out.
I am not sure that we co-parented effectively pre-BD. My H was very passive and didn't want to bother with most of the stuff involving the kids. So it was more like I parented and he went along with it. Well (based on what he has said to me), now the history in his mind is that he backed down and I took advantage of him, so he is not going to do that anymore.
I don't think that we will ever agree on some aspects of parenting, so they will just have to be different at at each home. I'm OK with that. He doesn't seem to be. I am hoping that he will simmer down a bit. I am hopeful that if we are able to talk calmly, he will see that I'm not trying to take the kids away or tell him how to parent or whatever it is in his head that he is fighting.
What I keep coming back to with the fear is that feeling of being small. I felt so small and insignificant in the M for such a long time. I have done so much work to rectify that and get myself back, yet somehow just the thought of sitting there with him makes me feel small all over again.
Yeah, 25 is right - that is my issue, and I need to keep working on that.
BTW, the ONLY thing I think is "right" about what co-parenting looks like in the future is that the kids are of the utmost importance. I am very fearful (based on my H's words and behavior lately, and even during the M) that this whole thing, to my H, is about him and not them. So yes, I think that does make me feel like I have to dig my heels in more, bc it's what I need to do to protect the kids.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
