I'M BACKKKKKKKKKKK

[DFE]

So my last post was on 10/1/13. I pretty much washed my hands of this marriage then. I started to get used to the idea of being single. Did I like it no but what was I to do. Then one night my H text me saying he was going to drop by. I told him he couldn't because I was having company. COMPANY he asked? I said yes and you can't just drop by when you want to. I need notice.

Well that night he had apparently driven by the house and was prepared to come in if he didn't recognize the car outside. He was going to confront whomever was here. He said he didn't want his kids around another man in his house. We later had a talk about it and he said he wanted us to try again. He didn't want to throw what we had out but he had rules. He wanted us not to fight anymore. To be each others friend. To start off with a clean slate. He was open to counseling as well but that has never worked before so I didn't jump at the opportunity.

Fast forward 3 months and he said he was thinking of moving back.

He moved back in February. Not that long ago. He started sleeping in our bed again and we even started having sex regularly. Then we went out one night and he got upset because I was drinking and didn't want to leave. It's been downhill since then. Every argument we get into he is ready to jump down my throat. The last one started last week over something really small. He has since slept downstairs and gives me the silent treatment.

I have tried talking to him. Telling him this is no way for us to resolve conflict but he says I have nothing to say. He says I am his problem and that he despises me. I have anxiety and stress. I am back to where I was before. it's like a mind game. I just want peace in my life. I would have rather he never come back then to play this yo yo game with me.

What do I do? The more I talk to him the more I feel I am belittling myself. I have tried to be calm. I have tried yelling. Crying. I am out of options. As a refresher for anyone who doesn't know my sitch we have been together 20 years, married for 11, have two kids, and own a business together. Divorce won't be clean. it will not only effect my kids, my home life, but also my livelihood.

What do I do? Any advise would sure help.