This, That and The Other

[labug]

It is hard to imagine that you have no expectations. Do you have a hope that your R with your H will continue to improve? Would you be hurt if it doesn’t work out? My thinking is that when you let someone into your heart (again), you naturally have some expectations, or at least hope for the better. Just trying to understand.

I've really thought about the expectations and yes, I have expectations that he'll come home from work at the normal time, that his check will go in the bank every other Thurs, I expect him to be faithful, I expect him to let me know if he feels things are going off the rails, I expect that he will listen and work with me to resolve conflict.

We both have responsibility in the last 3 because if he doesn't feel safe talking to me about issues he may not bring them up, he may not be as willing to listen and therefore we would be unable to resolve conflict.

So I work at the goals I mentioned in the earlier post to you. Those are things I can control

I've worked very hard through IC, AlAnon, personal work, here, to get rid of unrealistic expectations about things that are out of my control. I've learned to let go.

I don't have the expectation that we will "live happily ever after" and I'm sure if it doesn't work I will be sad. I can live with sadness, it's a part of life. I know it won't kill me.

Looking that far ahead (ever after) is trouble. Why do that? I've read somewhere that worrying about tomorrow steals the joy from today and I believe that to be true.

I know this way of being can be difficult to understand. Had you told me 4 years ago I would be saying these things, I would have said you were crazy. What? Me not have a death grip of control on my future? I had everything planned, that's the only way I felt safe. Fear ruled my life.

I still have fears, another part of life, but my fears no longer control me.