Upwards - DB myself to happiness!

[Upwards]

You're doing great. It's ok to have those feelings....just don't hold on to them. Let them pass thru you.

NC is extremely hard. As I mentioned, I waffled many times over the last year. Each time I pulled away, she chased. Sometimes I was simply weak. Sometimes I felt hope. Sometimes I told myself we could be friendly without problems. Never did she show true commitment to change or to give up OM, and each time not only did I get hurt, my trust diminished, and my resentment grew.

It's only now that I see by not holding my ground, I actually hurt my chances of R. She has never truly lost me (until recently), and it's probably gone on too long now to ever recover. So each time you feel that weakness, that loneliness, that hope, or convince yourself you're ok with it, stop and really be honest with yourself.

Thank you Breakdown, your posts always help me so much.

My IC has told me to do the NC and even if I waiver when having a bad day and end up contacting, dont throw the towel in just get back to it - so that's what i'm going to do instead of beating myself up if I do end up contacting him at some point.

I know I need to do this to get myself into a better place and to detach from the situation - I also believe it gives my M the best chance as it will put a stop to H having everything he wants and being able to carry on without making any decisions or facing up to the reality of this.

He's just emailed me saying how sorry he is & if I need anything to let him know, he's making promises of dealing with his fears and has booked to see his counselor on Monday so maybe its given him a kick up the bum too - either way that isn't my problem to think about!