I am not convinced that he is capable of this convo even with a C there, drop that expectation, go in open and with the intent to do a lot of listening. If you both go in stony-faced and unmoveable you can bet nothing will happen. Please note, I am not saying you give anything up, just listen openly.
If he can't hold his temper or attempts to manipulate, a good C who deals with this on a daily basis will see right through that and it will be in the report.
Don't expect a lot of movement without several meetings. More precisely, expect nothing.
Be a new Melissa he's never seen.
Why drop the expectation when that is the behavior he always shows? If someone keeps stealing my paper everyday, you want me to assume he won't do it tomorrow? Come on! Melissa isn't in the stage where she is DBing to get her marriage back. Now, she's fighting for her kids well being. At this point, she should be using everything she has (her intelligence to deduce his actions or behaviors). If I were her, I wouldn't put my childrens future in the hands of a counselor. Just in my state alone there was one who was the deciding factor in many divorce cases that sent the child to one parent or the next. This C didn't even have a degree. She made up all her credentials and made millions from it.
Melissa,
You know your h more then any of us here. You see how he is on a daily basis. If you think he can NOT do the things you tell us he does, then go see a C. If not, don't waste your time.
If someone keeps stealing my paper everyday, you want me to assume he won't do it tomorrow?
Really? , so you assume the person will do the same? Have you take in consideration WHY that person its stealing the paper? Whats the reason behind that action...
I guess you rather just judge that person for the action that its doing instead of finding a way to help that person to not do it again....thats why many people dies in this world...because the easiest thing its to judge based on my belief....the hardest thing its to look inside ourselves and see how we can make a different approach to that situation so that way maybe that person will react in a different way.... Thats what I call fear, the fear of looking inside ourselves...
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
If I were her, I wouldn't put my childrens future in the hands of a counselor. Just in my state alone there was one who was the deciding factor in many divorce cases that sent the child to one parent or the next. This C didn't even have a degree. She made up all her credentials and made millions from it.
Brian....a simple 2x4: you are not her... And again judging its not helping her...before you give advice please spend sometime looking inside yourself.... I did that when I first came here and as we keep repeating many times, this is not a legal advice forum, this is a Dbing forum in which all or most of us work in improving ourselves...
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
If I were her, I wouldn't put my childrens future in the hands of a counselor. Just in my state alone there was one who was the deciding factor in many divorce cases that sent the child to one parent or the next. This C didn't even have a degree. She made up all her credentials and made millions from it.
Brian....a simple 2x4: you are not her... And again judging its not helping her...before you give advice please spend sometime looking inside yourself.... I did that when I first came here and as we keep repeating many times, this is not a legal advice forum, this is a Dbing forum in which all or most of us work in improving ourselves...
So because you disagree with me, I get a 2x4? So your opinion is right? Sounds like you still have a lot to learn.
Melissa, since obviously I have no idea what I am talking about and am giving you awful advice. I'll leave your thread (as well as this board). Good luck to you.
I just wanted to comment quickly so I won't lose your thread...here's something I read that truly resonated with me, and I think it lessens the risk you face with your h and the whole child custody issue.
Mind you, there are NO painless answers here, and imo, there's no way you both will be happy with the outcome, at first...
La Bug wrote:
I am not convinced that he is capable of this convo even with a C there, drop that expectation, go in open and with the intent to do a lot of listening. If you both go in stony-faced and unmoveable you can bet nothing will happen. Please note, I am not saying you give anything up, just listen openly.
If he can't hold his temper or attempts to manipulate, a good C who deals with this on a daily basis will see right through that and it will be in the report.
Don't expect a lot of movement without several meetings. More precisely, expect nothing.
Be a new Melissa he's never seen.
This^^ is good stuff. As for why expect nothing? B/C then you won't attach hopes to your expectations and b/c you'll be less disappointed, more protected, etc.
But you have to "do" something b/c he's making demands and it's to your advantage to direct that, than to ignore it and hope he does nothing...I think he'll do something if you don't.
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Just starting a new thread since mine is in imminent danger of being locked.
Totally unrelated useless information: I use to give tours on a German U-boat, reading the words "imminent danger" reminded me of my tour script.
I hope you had a good day today M!
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
