Thank you for your post. I am trying to stop focussing on him. I know that I cannot move forward unless I do. The four agreements are very good, I am trying not to take things personally, but I'm struggling. I've been talking with my IC about it. I can't help but feel I must have done something so bad, so awful to make him do this. To make him so angry and hate me so much so suddenly. He won't share anything. I have stopped asked, we barely communicate to be honest now, unless he initiates it.
I am also bad at trying to mind read or predict what is happening. What it means. I know it isn't useful, and it's most likely wrong. I am getting better though. I don't wonder where he is anymore or who he is with.
I am trying to do my best. And I know I need to work out what I want. I need to figure out what I want now. Except I have no idea. What I really want : my children to be raised by both their parents, in a loving home, together. I want my husband, the man I married, come home. But it seems unlikely I will get what I want. Do I need to figure out my plan b? I have no idea what I want, except for my children and myself to be safe, loved and happy.
I am doing my best to achieve it and I am doing better. I have far less days where I am sad. I can see that I am actually ok now. So I can only be better as time goes on. Either with or without him. It's just still a bit raw I guess when I think too far ahead about what may happen.
