Upwards - I actually think that you are setting a healthy boundary, which is recommended by DB. You informed your H that as long as he is in a relationship with the OW, YOU do not want a relationship with him. It is similar to an ultimatum, but it really is about how YOU are going to act as opposed to pressuring him to make a decision/take some action (which is why I recommended that you not contact him or ask him to make a decision). You are going to live your life and leave your H to make a decision as to what he wants/does not want with H. It is hard because we would all love our WAS to say "I am leaving OW to be friends with you." But it will help you start living your new life.
Your H probably will not like the boundary. He will probably try and push back. You will need to remain strong (it is so hard, I have been horrible at enforcing the boundary as time goes on). But there are lots of people here to give you get advice and help you walk your path.
His horrified expression when I said about cutting contact today said it all, I suspect he'll find it difficult but its TOUGH because its what I want right now. He's said several times today "I really dont want to cut contact, I want you in my life" yeh course you do, on your terms only!!
I've emailed him with logistics of things and how I want things to work from now on, I explained that I'm doing this for ME because its whats best for me at the moment. I've been quite business like about it all & matter of fact. We are going to need to sit down and put things in place regarding the business, i'm due in work (with him) on Friday so we can hopefully have a chat about how things can work then.
This has been a step i've been scared of making for weeks, I'm not really sure why i'm so scared though?! I tried to do it (half heartedly) a couple of weeks ago but ended up caving in when I was lonely and answered his calls, I need to try and put some things in place to stop me reaching out to him.
Am I best just leaving him completely to it & ignoring his contact unless its important?
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
