Upwards - I actually think that you are setting a healthy boundary, which is recommended by DB. You informed your H that as long as he is in a relationship with the OW, YOU do not want a relationship with him. It is similar to an ultimatum, but it really is about how YOU are going to act as opposed to pressuring him to make a decision/take some action (which is why I recommended that you not contact him or ask him to make a decision). You are going to live your life and leave your H to make a decision as to what he wants/does not want with H. It is hard because we would all love our WAS to say "I am leaving OW to be friends with you." But it will help you start living your new life.
Your H probably will not like the boundary. He will probably try and push back. You will need to remain strong (it is so hard, I have been horrible at enforcing the boundary as time goes on). But there are lots of people here to give you get advice and help you walk your path.
