Went out GALing to a wines of Bordeaux dinner last night. I'm getting to know the group now, and I fully enjoyed it. Took my mind off everything. If this whole thing goes South, I can see a way forward. It's not that hard to find people of similar interests these days. It's out of my comfort zone, but I can stand a little shaking up. Living my life more on my own terms can't be worse that what I'm going through now, right?
W was asleep when I got home last night and didn't say a word to me this morning. She is not sleeping well. She hasn't been very talkative the last few days.
She did a 3 day Pathways Institute workshop last weekend. Anyone have any experience with that? I admire her for seeking help in figuring herself out. She should come out of this OK in the end, and I realize that she may well decide I'm not part of her future. I hope she gets to the point where she doesn't blame me for everything, only because I suspect that would make future dealings easier, and not pollute R with kids.
We have a pro-M friend that has told her that she owes it to the kids to do one of these retreats as a couple. I know it's way too soon for that now, but hope that she may be willing to do that at some point, even if it convinces both of us to part.
Had another consult with L this morning to see if there's anything else I need to (not) do. I've told her I'm DBing and want to be advised in that context, but nonetheless protected. She gets that. She thinks being supportive of W in new career and getting her income going puts me in best position. Don't do anything that might look controlling; don't turn financial screws. Let W deal with consequences of not following budget and blowing out cards in her name.
Bottom line - I'm not betting on M today, but I know I can adapt to D outcome. Financial/emotional impact to kids tears at me - it's just so antithetical to everything I set out to do for them. The thought that an 18 year investment could go so wrong still makes me seriously question my awareness.
