And I swear I can tell the damaged ones, the mlc ones and the desperate ones...the eyes say so much when you have learned to look and read.
A friend once described them as the "hard eyed" women. But it is interesting to look in the eyes of younger people and not see some of that (like, a 4 year old for example). Or to look into the eyes of somebody who has been through the smelting process and see the difference
Glad you're doing well and in a great place. And that you come back to offer some help to others!
We'll need to see that band web page before long.... Just sayin!
AJ
P.S. did your guitar player marry my W? It sure sounds like the same person
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
P.S. did your guitar player marry my W? It sure sounds like the same person
You know AJ, that was my immediate thought...lol!
I'll be back more in the future, just so many triggers here for where I am at right now...once I get more of this road behind me I'll be better at not being triggered.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Anyway, I just love my freakin' life...even while still in limbo-land
"love my freakin life".....
Best place to be brother! Stay there as long as you can, put up a tent, strap yourself downs and do leave this lovin my life place for anything. The longer you stay there....the quicker the limbo land will fix itself.
Peace, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Life will ebb and flow. Once you have the taste of loving your life, you tend to get back to it more quickly even when you go off the tracks. The path back is easier and therefore the stays in mild depression, malaise, anxiety tend to be less.
That is what you call growing. Growing into your own skin and being content no matter what situation you are in.
The journey is the gift, not the destination. I have this grand hope that more people will get the understanding of what living really all about.
Quick update as I have lots to think about and boundaries/expectations to work out:
Looks like we are going to try a 2 month separation. Her friend has a spare room at her apt available through May. Lots of talking yesterday, I basically opened up fully to where I was at, no anger, just full info and vulnerability. That this is not healthy for me, or the kids. That I "felt" like she is stringing me along. That I matter, my feelings matter, my life matters. That I do not need to be dealing with a D later this year because of work/career. Etc, etc. She also opened up a lot. She wants to take a break from the household/parent part of life to figure her crap out, see what it would "feel" like being D a little. The rent is not bad, but not an expense we need either.
I have already set some hard boundaries where I will file if broached: -If at the end of the 2 months, she still doesn't know. -If she continues staying there, setting up a 6-12 month lease. -If she violates the visitation of seeing the boys on her days off and when I am at band practice. The house is NOT available to her, like her place would not be available to me. -ANY dating, romantic/sexual involvement with an OM. -ANY unusual/outrageous spending out of the joint account. -I am working on if any other critical boundaries I require...
And I am working on what I require if she chooses to recommit, again, with failure to meet those expectations will result in me filing.
And either of us can end it at anytime, of course. I will not fight it and start the filing immediately.
I will be putting together a packet with these boundaries and expectations to give her so she knows exactly where I am, what I want.
This is the one thing not tried. Though it may frustrate some of my friends, I have to know that I did try everything. I have to be clear on that for me, and any future R's.
Plus I will finally get a break from the mlc energy, and not seeing her (and her being "unavailable") everyday may help me clarify where I am, if I even want this anymore either.
Limbo ends before the solstice. One way or another.
One LAST cycle...9-10 weeks...I can do that, for the kids, me. Not doing another one...all or nothing I told her.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
T2, There is no harm in trying something different, but also prepare yourself if she chooses to walk away from you and the boys forever. I'm sorry she's not woken up enough to realize what she's got, but sometimes "tough love" works best when they've sat on the fence as long as she has w/o some type of commitment.
I pray that your situation will work out for the best and that you and your family will be reunited soon.
Take care of yourself. Keep the focus on you and your children and as always, dig deeper for patience.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you job, I am prepared, and okay if that is the path she chooses. The 2 month separation was her idea, not mine. By trying it I will KNOW that I tried everything, so that guy in the mirror is satisfied.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
