Quick update as I have lots to think about and boundaries/expectations to work out:
Looks like we are going to try a 2 month separation. Her friend has a spare room at her apt available through May. Lots of talking yesterday, I basically opened up fully to where I was at, no anger, just full info and vulnerability. That this is not healthy for me, or the kids. That I "felt" like she is stringing me along. That I matter, my feelings matter, my life matters. That I do not need to be dealing with a D later this year because of work/career. Etc, etc. She also opened up a lot. She wants to take a break from the household/parent part of life to figure her crap out, see what it would "feel" like being D a little. The rent is not bad, but not an expense we need either.
I have already set some hard boundaries where I will file if broached: -If at the end of the 2 months, she still doesn't know. -If she continues staying there, setting up a 6-12 month lease. -If she violates the visitation of seeing the boys on her days off and when I am at band practice. The house is NOT available to her, like her place would not be available to me. -ANY dating, romantic/sexual involvement with an OM. -ANY unusual/outrageous spending out of the joint account. -I am working on if any other critical boundaries I require...
And I am working on what I require if she chooses to recommit, again, with failure to meet those expectations will result in me filing.
And either of us can end it at anytime, of course. I will not fight it and start the filing immediately.
I will be putting together a packet with these boundaries and expectations to give her so she knows exactly where I am, what I want.
This is the one thing not tried. Though it may frustrate some of my friends, I have to know that I did try everything. I have to be clear on that for me, and any future R's.
Plus I will finally get a break from the mlc energy, and not seeing her (and her being "unavailable") everyday may help me clarify where I am, if I even want this anymore either.
Limbo ends before the solstice. One way or another.
One LAST cycle...9-10 weeks...I can do that, for the kids, me. Not doing another one...all or nothing I told her.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
