Upwards, to your question in my thread about confronting W about A- I knew from shortly after BD that there was an EA with OM, even though W denied that it was anything but a friendship. Over the past several mos, I discovered that he had strong feelings towards her, but I did not bring it up as I had not seen anything saying that her feelings were mutual. It wasn't until 2 weekends ago, when I came across several things that told me she had strong feelings for him and that some type of R was there, that I finally confronted W.
After revealing what all I had seen, I told W that she had to choose because I wasn't going to wait around or be the 3rd wheel. Looking back at it, I didn't give her any kind of deadline or no contact 'rules' though. This past weekend I also asked about the seriousness of the R and reiterated that I wasn't going to be involved in a triangle.
While I feel that confronting W has worked for me in that I feel like I've finally forced her to take action, I can't say I recommend it to everyone. Others on here say it's only pushed their S further away. I just decided that I couldn't take it anymore and needed to say something.
I'm in a similar situation as you in that I feel like W is now wanting to be friends and see how things go, but I don't want to do that if she's going to continue contact with OM. Per Sandi2's advice, I think I'm going to see how the next week goes before issuing a no contact ultimatum.
