Reaching out for support and advice 4

[bluesgal]

Thanks everyone. I had a good nights sleep and have decided that I am going to go dark with the exception of communicating about the kids.

H has very little contact with them, so going dark should be pretty easy. Yes, I am so blessed to have a lot of support. Gosh I am so glad to have this forum and friends/family. We had a young man in our town recently die from an accident at home and it reminded me that I am lucky to have 2 healthy kids.

I do pretty well overall, but days like yesterday still knock me down. The spewing and anger was becoming a thing of the past...until the beast was poked.

Yes, I've read HB's stages of MLC and they confuse me a bit. I think H rotates between replay/anger/depression. I am approaching the one year mark from the bombdrop and am a little disappointed in myself for not having been better at DB. I feel like I could be in a much more peaceful place if I'd focused more on me. I never realized how much I was really trying to control outcomes. Dropping the rope and letting H go was hard. Still is. I miss the old him and wonder if he'll ever be back.