You have mentioned your German background several times, but I fail to see what that has to do with anything.

I agree with what 25mlc said in her post yesterday. To me, it sounds like a spiritual problem. I can't imagine how empty life would be without a faith-based relationship with God. I personally believe man has a spiritual soul and needs that connection with God, in order for his life to have purpose and passion. That is what separates us from the animals.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!