First part of your post was going on the path... In the second you go back to why? Why?
No idea why but only time will give you the responses...the universe will take care of the answers when you are ready to listen to them... Meanwhile lets focus on you, dont "force" yourself this is not a "forcing" recovery....its as simple as accepting the pain...
PAIN ITS RECOVERY... If you suffer you are healing.... If you fall and you break a finger it hurts right?? The sane ones dont hurt right? So this is it, it hurts a lot but it will get better... Accept all you, if you dont feel like doing nothing dont "force" yourself, things will happen.
My recomendation? Find a CoDependent anonymous group or some group like that, or even al anon, just because there is people there who suffered a separation like you and you can vent without being judge its a good way at least for me to not feel so isolated..
Again this is your recovery and everything will happen the way its suppossed to happen... Read DR books , watch Michelle videos and call if you have money one of the coaches!! Work on yourself and thats all that will bring you peace...
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
its a good way at least for me to not feel so isolated..