I think trying to come up with a system that gives it stability in your mind would just sound like another form of control. It sounds like it is being done well now. I would imagine she appreciates how things are now. If you were controlling in this before and have 180 'ed into this say nothing mode, you might want to keep doing it for some time instead of changing course now.
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10