Yes, I am 100% ok with the message above. If my W won't come back to my province then I will do whatever it takes to make 50/50 with my kids happen. It would be a new start on life and that might be a very good thing.
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
It is not my preference to relocate to Your Province as all my extended family support system is here. However, if I am able to co parent with you in Your Province I am prepared to work to make such an arrangement possible.
If this is your preference, shouldn't it be your lead point not an afterthought?
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
Drew, since it's unlikely I can have my kids brought back to my province this is was added so that it's clear that moving to the new province is not something I want but am being forced to do because of my W's actions. My L added it to cover me.
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
Drew, since it's unlikely I can have my kids brought back to my province this is was added so that it's clear that moving to the new province is not something I want but am being forced to do because of my W's actions. My L added it to cover me.
You haven't even tried. You're quick to admit defeat on this point. Why?
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
Scorp, I'm on the fence about the location. I agree that what YOU Want should be your starting point and that considering moving should be a contingency. In saying that, I come from the west coast of Australia and my wife from the east coast. I grew up in cities while my wife grew up in the country. I've always had excellent work opportunities in cities, particularly in my home state, and next to no opportunity in the town I live in. At the end of the day though, if my wife decided she wasn't going to move my choices were limited to stay with the kids or pursue opportunities out of town au from the kids. On location, it was my wife's way or the highway.
I suspect you're going to have the same issue here and it's great that you're prepared to move. I would start at where you WANT to be first. If you think the town and house your kids grew up in is best, where you currently work and have family and friends while your wife stole your kids away, then start there. Don't forget that your wife is using her parents as a safety net. At some point she'll have to be a big girl and make her own decisions in the world. Only once you've exhausted your options to stay (if you feel strongly about it you can involve your lawyer) THEN consider moving.
In saying that, I had a preference for where I wanted to live but ultimately didn't care where as long as I was with my kids. I stayed in the town I'm in, found a job and so far my wife and I are in the same house. Being flexible works and as you've alluded to, it's cheaper and costs less time than involving lawyers. Plus you'll get more time with your kids in a shorter time frame. But don't forget about what YOU want even if you have to move. It's your life after all.
Me: 31, W: 29 T: 4 M: 2 Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3) Separated, still living together: Nov 2013 Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014 W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
I wish it was as easy as simply deciding to fight to have the kids brought back and then if that fails agree to move. If my W is prepared to agree to 50/50 without having to battle in court then I will take that.
The only way I can have the kids brought back is with a court order and that is a long way from being even close to a sure thing (if it hadn't already been 5.5 months since they've been gone that would possibly be different). At that point, I may have lost the chance of having my W amicably agree to 50/50. Not a chance I'm willing to take if she's willing to be reasonable.
If my W will agree to 50/50 without it being a big fight then I will take that in a heartbeat.
The other point that will have to be agreed to in the parenting plan is that neither one of us can move the kids away without the consent of the other parent. This is pretty common from what I understand since moving the kids would cause more problems down the road with having 50/50 custody/time with the kids.
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
The problem I am facing is that at this point I may not be able to have my kids brought back to our home province.
“may not” does not mean “cannot”
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If my W won't come back to my province then I will do whatever it takes to make 50/50 with my kids happen.
OR you can go for FULL custody.
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If my W is prepared to agree to 50/50 without having to battle in court then I will take that.
Quick story….I agreed to an alimony settlement “because I didn’t have to battle in court”…fast forward a few years….boy do I wish I had fought. The easy road is NOT always the right path.
The above noted…I get why you may take the path you are taking. So I would only suggest that you ….
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From Barry “I would start at where you WANT to be first.
As drew mentioned, you have not really tried yet. Start with that and see where it goes. Oh…and any fear you may be feeling right now – get rid of it. Hold on to your *uts, cause it could get interesting.
The moving and having to sell the house, could also be something that you may want to consider. If you are taking a loss on the house (or less of a gain) because of HER CHOICES – well then, maybe she needs to absorb those losses if you are to move.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
We won't take a loss on the house but we definitely would make MUCH more if we did a few more things with it before we sell. It was just built 1.5 years ago and still needs a lot of things done (deck built, landscaping, basement development etc). We could do VERY well if we did those things before we sold but that would leave my W out of luck with getting her own place (short of renting which she certainly could do).
It feels like one HUGE gamble to go for everything I want if my W is offering 50/50 with our kids. There's a chance if I won a battle in court that the kids could be forced to be brought back to my province and that I would still get 50/50 but that's one heck of a gamble.
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
It feels like one HUGE gamble to go for everything I want if my W is offering 50/50 with our kids. There's a chance if I won a battle in court that the kids could be forced to be brought back to my province and that I would still get 50/50 but that's one heck of a gamble.
IF you really wanted to stay where you lived, IF you really wanted to do more to the house, IF you really wanted your kids to grow up in YOUR home, IF you wanted to do "VERY WELL" in the future...well what do you think you need to do?
Also, based on your last post here..it seems like worse case scenario is you move and get 50/50.
Personally, I think you do not want to piss off your w. I have a funny feeling that deep down inside you are doing this so that she can "see what a nice guy you are". I think you are still afraid and that fear is clouding your judgement.
I know that it is scary man, and i would not want you to make this a war; however, I do think you need to be very clear on what you want and what you are will to do to achieve it. A little pain now may make a world of difference in the future. As I said earlier, I will support whatever you decide to do.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Have you ever thought of this? After reading some recent posts with more and more additional information, I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that you WILL most likely come ahead of your W if you go for the full custody. Here's why:
1) According to you, you live in a nice neighborhood that is not crime ridden 2) You have the house and probably can afford to buy out your W 3) You have a full-time job that allows you to support the three of you financially in the family house 4) Your neighborhood is within a good school district and the kids know their friends from that school 5) Your W just upped and "kidnapped" the kids AWAY from their own home, their school, their friends
Let W move closer to your province if she wants to spend time with the kids! A change of perspective produces a different set of possibilities for you. See?
