melissa, continued . . .

[labug]

Thanks for the lively discussion this morning, you guys!

Here's what I would love some practical advice on.

I don't want my H to think that I am trying to bully him or take his kids or whatever. And I would like to be able to agree to do what is in the best interest of the kids, and to talk about that with him. I would like to have a rational discussion with him.

That said, I think the odds of that happening on our own are nil. He can't even write a "nice" email without blame and assumptions and false accusations.

Thus far, what that means is that I ignore him. I am not convinced this is best.

The only thing I can think of to do, is agree to talk with him with some ground rules and a referee (i.e,. counselor of some sort).

What do you guys think? Should I try to do this? I am not convinced that he is capable of this convo even with a C there, but I am willing to try. Or am I just setting myself up for more agony?

I already weighed in on this but I think it got lost in the other posts.

Yes, you should not just try, you should make it happen.

I am not convinced that he is capable of this convo even with a C there, drop that expectation, go in open and with the intent to do a lot of listening. If you both go in stony-faced and unmoveable you can bet nothing will happen. Please note, I am not saying you give anything up, just listen openly.

If he can't hold his temper or attempts to manipulate, a good C who deals with this on a daily basis will see right through that and it will be in the report.

Don't expect a lot of movement without several meetings. More precisely, expect nothing.

Be a new Melissa he's never seen.