First, I want to say that you really are doing well at this. You have a great attitude, being a fantastic mother to your children, and make good decisions. It's hard to turn off something that you have been doing for so long. This is one of the great reasons to have almost ALL the communication go through the L. Your h is a master at manipulation and control. I truly believe that he will try to make your life hell through all of this if he doesn't get his way.
As far as 50/50...I agree with you totally. Your h is only using them as a pawn right now to get back at you. Once all the dust clears and the emotions are out of it, then it can be decided. Wonka is absolutely WRONG in this instance.
