"Treating him like a normal person and having the same expectations I would of someone who is well adjusted does not work with my H. Because he doesn't look inside himself. He doesn't come to this board and say, "hey, what am I missing here?" He just gets more and more angry and blaming.
OK, you might say, who cares? Let him deal with it. Yes, but - I have to deal with him for the rest of my life. And the thought of doing it this way sounds overwhelmingly frustrating to me.
It makes more sense to me to try to figure out a way to deal with him that works. I just have no idea how to do that."
I can totally relate to that. Here's what I'm working on...
I just found out my ex is planning a trip to Mexico. She hasn't told me. She has no money. Does she expect me to take care on s3 myself? I pretty much already am. Which brings up, what kind of mother is she? She claims she's a great mother. I don't doubt that she loves s3, but how can she justify calling herself a great mother. There's a lot of things she does that rubs me the wrong way.
How am I dealing with this mess? Lots of frustration thats for sure, but I keep reminding myself she is sick. Really mentally unstable right now. She's possessed it seems. Thinking this way helps me get over most of the things that piss me off. It still s*cks but it helps. I find that I end up reacting compassionately towards her. Example, last night she told me she was arguing with her mother. I just said if she needs a validating ear I'm here. She ended up calling me and talked about it. I just validated and didn't tell her how wrong she is and how right her mom was. Is that possibly enabling her bad behavior? Maybe...
Point is. If you view your h as having a mental illness(or whatever way works for you), it may help you become less reactive to his a-holeness.
Me-35 Com law-28 S-3 T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu 1st bu- 2/2012 Rec-4/2013 2nd bu-10/2013 IC-2 yrs(anger issues) MC- 5 mnths-fail OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14 New OM ~10/4/14
