One other thing I wanted to expand on, about my conundrum WRT how to deal with my H:
I can tell myself that my H's spew is not about me, that it's about him. And I can just treat him like a normal person and let him deal with the fallout if he can't act like a normal person. But that is what got me into trouble in the first place in the M.
Treating him like a normal person and having the same expectations I would of someone who is well adjusted does not work with my H. Because he doesn't look inside himself. He doesn't come to this board and say, "hey, what am I missing here?" He just gets more and more angry and blaming.
OK, you might say, who cares? Let him deal with it. Yes, but - I have to deal with him for the rest of my life. And the thought of doing it this way sounds overwhelmingly frustrating to me.
It makes more sense to me to try to figure out a way to deal with him that works. I just have no idea how to do that.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
