You have tons of wonderful people posting you with really good stuff!
So, yeah, I spent many years trying to convince him that I was a good person. That what I have to offer has value.
^^^ That summarizes your current worldview and keep trying to get some words of praise from H. Which you, and all of us, know is a futile exercise. How about changing YOUR perspective to this:
My self-worth is not derived from the approval of others on how "good" I am. My true self-worth is based on HOW I feel about myself and how comfortable I am in my own skin irrespective of WHAT people think of me.
That is self-assurance and self-confidence. For me, I am not too bothered by what other people say about me. I just ignore all that chatter because they don't know the true situation of my life and the choices I make that reflect the true authentic ME.
M, once you've worked on this aspect of yourself...you'd be surprised with discovering that those buttons will be rendered practically useless and H will no longer be able to get under your skin. You need H's approval?? F*ck that!!
Now on to two other matters.
I am thinking it would be a very good idea to get the children and H into regular sessions with the child psychologist. The reason for this is that she will be a neutral third party and can pretty much hone into H's skewed view of co-parenting...especially minimizing his kids' concerns left and right.
Since H is mostly concerned with 50/50 custody, I'd recommend that you work quickly with the L to settle that part so H will see for a fact that he has 50/50. Now, will he take advantage of it is something that you'll monitor. A lot of the times, from what I've seen here, is that H's discover that it is ALOT of work to manage the children on their own and the time will usually shift to the WAS. Just sit still and bide your time, M.
Then later on, you'll work out the financials, separation of assets, etc. with the L. From my own perch, I think it is essential to get that 50/50 custody out of the way as soon as possible. That will be removing one 'perceived' barrier to H.
