Really....your H reminds me a lot of who I used to be. That is really sad...for him, and for you. And the double whammy....you seem to be under the same thought process as my XW....you seem to think you can do something about it. You can't make him happy....he has to choose that for himself. But that goes both ways
You think it'll be easier if he tells you what he wants, but the truth is, he probably has no idea. He's miserable, and he's pointing at every little nit thinking that's it....but it's not. He's got a lot of work to do and unfortunately, I haven't seen any changes in your sitch that would make him consider digging in.
For your part, I think you are still feeding the cycle. You need to start being who you want to be, not who you think your H wants you to be. Treat him (and others) like you want to be treated....don't take him for granted, really listen to him, have some compassion for his pain. Choose to be happy and then make it so....your H isn't in control of that. He can only affect your mindset if you let him. Choose to be the woman only a fool would leave.
I think you're absolutely right that you need to rise above the $hit....but you've been here a long time and still haven't. I'll say it again....what are you going to do different?
