I guess you think this song is about you?

[willbwell]

reading this morning what labug. 25. keep going posting on Melissa's thread. Needing to pay attention and listen myself...
Had a terrible day yesterday.
I so allowed my self esteem to take a hit.
I did not do well in my class yesterday. Was attempting a check off skill for class and the teacher actually said "failed" . The tears immediately started rolling. I had to excuse myself.
I am a grown woman and I am crying over a stupid grade!
What the heck is that all about?
Why am I so afraid of and bothered by failing? of losing?
I knew my mistake. My mistake was a real one...
I was not able to shrug it off. I kept telling myself this over and again...shrug it off. Another chance tomorrow.
stop being so hard on myself!

I think of excuses. why did this bother me so? because I am telling myself I s@ck at this.... Its that voice in my head.
I don't want to be a big crybaby.
I don't want people saying oh wbw its so great you've gone back to school!

I am just sharing here. I just want to be done with this. so I recognize "my issues" Sure, they stem back. just trying to figure it out...
I can be sad and disappointed at what life has given me, but I can be equally happy and exuberant at the blessings of my life as well. Yes that is where I put my focus.
Yes, I am a person who wants to do good and want others to do good as well.

being here, I have recognized that I am too judgemental. This is one of my personal goals to work on.. I want to feel annoyed with others less, and compassion more.

I know I allow others by their words or choices,to push my buttons- why is this? Why do I feel my blood pressure rise just because of what someones says? What is the benefit of that? not a thing only high blood pressure. I want to let that go!

Today is a new day. I can check off on my skill again. I can go in with the thought that the teacher is just trying to get me to be a better student. It is school afterall...it is for learning! I will do fine.