Barrybran IV - Three Years Forward, 30 Years Back

[Barrybran]

Pretty good day today. It was my daughter's birthday so D3 becomes D4. She had a fantastic day and I'm proud of the efforts my wife and I put in to get through it.

The day started as a day off from work with a few small plans. I had some time up my sleeve in the middle of the day so I was going to get outside and get the lawn mowed. So much for that plan. I took D4 to daycare, did some running around town with D2, back to daycare for a performance with the girls, got called into work, dropped D2 off, went to work, went home, collected D2, collected D4, went to lunch with my parents, dropped into see wife for last minute instructions for D4's birthday, went home to greet S6, then proceeded to clean the house before buying last minute items and returning for more cleaning.

The first time I was able to sit down properly was when people started arriving for dinner. My wife had her own busy day getting her store up to scratch for her new regional manager, who never showed up to her store, and coming home to cook dinner for 14 people. She put in a great effort despite feeling tired. Needless to say, she crashed with the kids when everyone left. Dinner itself went well, my daughter had a great time with her brother, sister and cousins and enjoyed the dinner and cake that Mum made. I chatted with family and wound up nursing my wife's friends' baby for the best part of an hour.

I've never really got along with my wife's friend and family. I've been here three years and I always felt they were interfering with my family. This period has really made me take a step back and evaluate these relationships. The people concerned have been a huge part of my wife's life since she was 6 years old. They're family to her and my kids and that makes them family to me; it just took me three year to see it. I also used to hide behind my wife and complain about their interference rather than manning up and making my own decisions. That often led to things going against the way I wanted and my wife resenting me for putting pressure on her and not being a man. I understand now that my expectations of family life were very unrealistic and it affected my relationships with people my wife and kids have strong bonds with.

Last week presented my first opportunity to change. My girls' daycare has a 'grandparents week' this week so I set about inviting my wife's friend's mother, the lady who look after my kids a lot and effectively my kids' closest grandparent despite not being a blood relative. I didn't have her contact details so I asked my wife to get in touch with this lady as well as sending her daughter a text to ask her Mum. My wife has been busy at work and my wife's friend told me to contact her mother myself so the invite didn't get passed along. I gave this lady the flyer about it tonight and asked for her phone number myself so I could organise things like this in the future without going through third parties. ie. man up and sort things out myself.

Early days but I feel like I'm on a better track not only with my wife (she's still cold but sent me a text today about work) but everyone around me. I have been a little cold with my parents still but I feel it's a necessary evil at the moment as I feel held back by them (all in my own mind of course) and I need to break free from that, be my own man and ultimately, be a productive husband and father, something I feel I've improved upon lately.