It went as well as it could have really, we talked a lot about how we ended up here and both took responsibility for our own part in things. We talked through our many options and both decided that D isnt the option right now as neither of us think its what we want. I did lots of listening and allowing H to express how he felt and why, when I didn't agree I voiced that but ensured he knew I respected his feelings/decisions.
He said he wants to feel that love for me again but its not there at the moment however his resentments towards me have near enough gone and his respect for me is growing all the time(this definitely shows in his attitude and behavior towards me), he said he likes "who i'm becoming" which shows that DB is defo getting his attention!! We both agreed that we need to work on ourselves and resolve our own issues before we even consider working on our relationship.
He said to want to try at our relationship he'd have to feel love for me, I challenged that and said that it was very unlikely to happen that way unless we had some positive experiences together and it was given the opportunity, he thought for a while then asked could be try and be friends and see what happened... I said that I'd like to do that although I am unwilling to do that whilst he's still in contact with this other girl and that is a firm boundary that i'm unwilling to move on.
I made clear that I plan to continue moving myself forward and finding myself again and that I was going to build a life for me and the kids, I said that although I wanted to work on building a new relationship with him I wasnt going to hang around waiting and that its up to him what he chooses to do with his life.
He can only talk for so long then it all gets too much which happened before we'd finished really. As he left he hugged me and kissed my neck then looked into my eyes and said that he truly wants me to be happy, he said he's going to think about what we've talked about and so should I then we can come back together so we can discuss where to go from here. He said that he's got some decisions to make and that he needs to be strong and do "what he knows is right" which I think related to OW but I'm not sure.
I *think* it went well, he was certainly very open/honest and seems to be moving forwards emotionally now where as before he was at a complete stand still.
What do you guys think? I'm proud of my DB'ing in the past few weeks it really seems to be paying off for ME and slowly in my relationship with H.
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
