I just don't want my brain to get so scrambled that it changes me, like I have seen it change some people for good.
Definitely. I think that's the beauty of DB'ing, it helps us rebuild our self-esteem and become strong and independent again. It's a proactive approach, it teaches us not to blame ourselves or our spouse and to look forward instead of back. My brother D'd about 7 years ago and he's been miserable ever since. Not because he wants his W back, but because he's never forgiven her. He blames her for everything bad in his life. It's kept him from growing, and it's kept him from starting a new R with another woman. He's angry and bitter to this day. And stuck! It's a terrible thing to see happen.
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I often pray that this or that happens but I think I am asking for the wrong things, rather than to be strong through this and come out stronger through the other end some day.
Many of the things you say remind me a lot of what I've gone through too. I prayed unceasingly for reconciliation, but after a year of that I finally figured out that immediate reconciliation was MY plan, and unanswered prayers didn't mean God wasn't listening, but just meant maybe my focus was in the wrong place. We can come out of this better people, and maybe THAT is the plan. And who knows, maybe reconciliation will happen eventually. A guy I work with just got engaged, to his ex from years ago. He actually got married to someone else after their divorce. But he has since divorced again and is back with his first ex. Sometimes I consider that if that happened to me I would have to admit that God did answer my prayers, just not on the timeline that I wanted, LOL!
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I feel embarrassed about this in my community so I have not reached out to many people about this.
With half of M's ending in D, there is NOTHING to be embarrassed about. As long as you conduct yourself with honor and dignity then there's nothing to shrink away from.
