Portia I am so sorry if my posts upset you or if I am misreading you.
Eric, not at ALL. I am so very grateful for all of you here who look out for me and challenge me.
NLT, I wish - but I did book a facial and pedicure for just before Easter. Sorry about the invasion of privacy; if you feel you need to chat, feel free to post on my thread, it's open late night!
Quote:
I may have misread some of your earlier posts and for that I apologize. Are you still standing and hoping that Skippy comes back? If you are then, I totally understand your response above. If you are not – then I guess my only point would be…why are you worried about how a lack of response would be interpreted. I suspect, that you would still like Skippy back (albeit a different version of him) and that is okay.
Quote:
I still wonder though if deep down inside, these text affect you on some level. Maybe “bother” is not the right word. Maybe….”keeping you connected when you do not want to be” is a better way for me to articulate how I interpret your post regarding Skippy’s communication with you.
Right and right, Eric. I am NOT "standing" for this relationship but I am in the undecided column as to whether or not I would be willing to try a different sort of relationship or try again.
It's the ole, if I don't know what to do, I am not doing anything. Someone (anyone) asks a question and I answer. Truth is, as time goes on I feel less and less like there is any point in even keeping communication open. When I decide that is enough, I will say so directly. For now, the status quo does not bother me even if I do think it is strange to be pinged every so often.
Is responding to the pings keeping me connected? Yes, probably a little. Some communication means the story isn't over. Since I am not looking to date right now and the pings do not send me into a tailspin (at least not for the longest time,now) I will live with that.
I believe it was you, Eric, who said I sometimes have the perspective of a scientist. I do. As a result, I can't help but be curious as to what happens next, if anything at all. His journey put me on one of my own but I am still curious about his journey even if I am not actually personally invested to the same extent as I once was.
UR, NLT, AJ and Eric, you all asked me the same question: WHY does it matter what he is telling people?
I know you are all so right when you say it should not matter what he is saying to others. I had to really think about the "why". Because I just am....
The best explanation I can give is that it feels like an injustice. Like brushing off what has been a very traumatic experience. By saying that I am totally fine with him seems to give him a pass - like saying no harm done. UR, you are no doubt right that people will see through that and who cares if they don't. Strangely, I am more peeved that he gets to say that like he believes it. Maybe he does believe it.
Distilled into its purest form - I don't want anything to imply that his choice and actions were OK with me. I recognize I still need to work on that.
Thank you for explaining about the anger; that isn't what I thought you meant and I could not make my version make sense so I am glad I asked. Eventually I will lost the anger. Sometimes though, the anger is my friend preventing me from wallowing or contacting him. Sometimes the anger is my power.
Quote:
Maybe it is how I read your posts – I dunno – it sometimes just seems like you want to be free from all of this but there is this one thing that keeps you connected…and just as you are ready to break free – BOOM another text from Skippy.
This is totally true. The timing of the texts is sometimes uncanny. My mother used to accuse me of telepathy. The last bit of attachment. Chances of he and I even coming to good terms let alone starting a new relationship are slim to none, so yes it would be nice to be free.
I want to be where AJ is, but I am not there yet:
Quote:
I really don't care any longer. I don't want to talk to her, but I don't care if I do. I don't care what she says or does. It really makes no difference in my life any more.
