Upwards - DB myself to happiness!

[ye21]

Upwards he is the one who has to choose that, he is the one who has to choose to stop contacting her.... You cant choose or force him to choose that, you go talk to him and just listen to what he says, and you stfu lol that sounds so rude but well its what is recomended, he has to realize why he got to this point, you have been working in realizing why you got to this point, you cleaned your side of the street and he is the one who has to clean his side of the street, you dont need to finalize an agreement tonight.... It took time to reach this point so it will take time to get fixed... Its not like he comes and say hey honey everything its fine lets get back together....
Its much more of listening of his beliefs and see where he comes from....

I am meeting my W today at 3pm and she is in a super rage against me, this is what I see:
When we were together she would not communicate ever with me what was going on, ahe would just explode in rages.... I wish she would listen to me but her part of the job its to realize that if she is angry I am not able to talk to her so if she doesnt want to communicate in a civil way by me telling her calm down and listen I am just feeding her anger...my 180 its to go to take care of the business we are gonna take care off and let her feel however she wants to feel...

Read this and see what I am saying:

Empowering

You can think. You can feel. You can solve your problems. You can take care of yourself.
Those words have often benefited me more than the most profound and elaborate advice.

How easy it is to fall into the trap of doubting others and ourselves.

When someone tells us about a problem, what is our reaction? Do we believe we need to solve it for the person? Do we believe that that person's future rests on our ability to advise him or her? That's standing on shaky ground - not the stuff of which recovery is made.

When someone is struggling through a feeling, or a morass of feelings, what is our reaction? That the person will never survive that experience? That it's not okay for someone to feel? That he or she will never get through this intact?

When a person is faced with the task of assuming responsibility for their life and behaviors, what is our response? That the person can't do that? I must do it myself to save him or her from dissipating into ashes? From crumbling? From failing?

What is our reaction to ourselves when we encounter a problem, a feeling, or when we face the prospect of assuming responsibility for ourselves?

Do we believe in others and ourselves? Do we give power to people - including ourselves - and their abilities? Or do we give the power to the problem, the feeling, or the irresponsibility?

We can learn to check ourselves out. We can learn to think, and consider our response, before we respond. "I'm sorry you're having that problem. I know you can figure out a solution. Sounds like you've got some feelings going on. I know you'll work through them and come out on the other side."

Each of us is responsible for ourselves. That does not mean we don't care. It does not mean a cold, calculated withdrawal of our support from others. It means we learn to love and support people in ways that work. It means we learn to love and support ourselves in ways that work. It means that we connect with friends who love and support us in ways that work.

To believe in people, to believe in each persons inherent ability to think, feel, solve problems, and take care of themselves is a great gift we can give and receive from others.

Today, I will strive to give and receive support that is pure and empowering. I will work at believing in myself and others - and our mutual abilities to be competent at dealing with feelings, solving problems, and taking responsibility for ourselves.