Also wanted to add that when doing 180's, so many guys get mixed up about the things she wanted him doing before she was done with the M. The timing is off for most of those things now. That is why your changes need to improve the man and father, first, instead of focusing so much on trying to be what she use to want. When the timing is right (meaning the relationship is right), your attention can be on pleasing her.
Most WAW'S get angry when the LBH waits till she is done and THEN he tries to do what she use to complain about. That is why they will say it's too little too late.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
The last two mornings W has asked me for a check for $35 payable to school with no explanation. Well this morning I found the paperwork. It's for the annual auction. Each class does some group artwork, and it goes to a parent auction to raise money for whatever. We have always gone together, and occasionally bought things. $35 a head at the door.
So her plan was to go alone.
Guess it's time to tell her I'm not her bank, and not to bid on anything she can't pay for.
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
She's a WAW having an A while living with me. She's left the M. Do I have an interest in supporting her social life? I'll keep her fed and housed while I continue to work my plans, but really, why anything beyond that? One of the consequences of leaving the M is losing the bank, no? She's free to go on her dime.
Quote:
Don't you want the artwork? Why don't you go and bid on it?
Oh I haven't ruled that out at all. Have to find out from kids tonight what treasures they've made.
And this has been a good reminder to have my email address added to all the communications that come from the school.
I should make clear that only adults go to the auction, not the kids. The auction raises money for the school, for undisclosed purposes, so the kids aren't closely vested.
So W is actually working at the auction Saturday night. I gave her the $35 for the ticket. I'll spend the time at home with the kids. If I'm going to quit being the sugar daddy while A is on, I'll do it with a $10K credit card bill, not $35 at a time.
Going to see L tomorrow to see what else I can do to protect me/kids and what limitations are on shutting off $ to W.
Meanwhile, GALing tonight - going out to wine/dinner. Told W this morning I was going out tonight. She replied she is going out tonight with alumni of the "find yourself" 3 day conference she just did.
The place I am going to is about a block from where she did the conference. What are the chances that we end up in the same restaurant? Awkward! "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world..."
Went out GALing to a wines of Bordeaux dinner last night. I'm getting to know the group now, and I fully enjoyed it. Took my mind off everything. If this whole thing goes South, I can see a way forward. It's not that hard to find people of similar interests these days. It's out of my comfort zone, but I can stand a little shaking up. Living my life more on my own terms can't be worse that what I'm going through now, right?
W was asleep when I got home last night and didn't say a word to me this morning. She is not sleeping well. She hasn't been very talkative the last few days.
She did a 3 day Pathways Institute workshop last weekend. Anyone have any experience with that? I admire her for seeking help in figuring herself out. She should come out of this OK in the end, and I realize that she may well decide I'm not part of her future. I hope she gets to the point where she doesn't blame me for everything, only because I suspect that would make future dealings easier, and not pollute R with kids.
We have a pro-M friend that has told her that she owes it to the kids to do one of these retreats as a couple. I know it's way too soon for that now, but hope that she may be willing to do that at some point, even if it convinces both of us to part.
Had another consult with L this morning to see if there's anything else I need to (not) do. I've told her I'm DBing and want to be advised in that context, but nonetheless protected. She gets that. She thinks being supportive of W in new career and getting her income going puts me in best position. Don't do anything that might look controlling; don't turn financial screws. Let W deal with consequences of not following budget and blowing out cards in her name.
Bottom line - I'm not betting on M today, but I know I can adapt to D outcome. Financial/emotional impact to kids tears at me - it's just so antithetical to everything I set out to do for them. The thought that an 18 year investment could go so wrong still makes me seriously question my awareness.
