Lost, I think like many people here you still consider yourself married while your spouse does not. To her having an affair is fine because your M is spiritually dead already. You've got to start seeing things that way too. Your M is dead and gone. Work on yourself and eventually she may be drawn back to you and into a new R and M, but for now you have to accept that there is no M.
Like LFW said, YOUR journey is about YOU, not her. SHE must travel HER chosen path. You need to blaze your own. Her chosen path is a damaging one, like many WAS's before her she has chosen to try and "fix" her unhappiness by rushing into the arms of an OM or two or three. That is a fool's errand. She will continue to be unhappy and until she stops messing around and looks within she will never find true happiness. But you can't fix her. You can't speed up her journey. All you can do is get out of the way.
Step one – You need to figure out what you are going to do with your Daughter. She has spent several YEARS away from YOU. That is not good for your daughter, who honestly is my first concern. Daughter missing daddies in their lives at an early age cause a great deal of damage that is not always seen for YEARS. So stop f*cking around already and figure out your plan for YOUR daughter!
I know you have seen a L, what exactly did they say about your daughter?
What is it that YOU really want as it relates to your daughter?
As Another Stander said….
Quote:
You need to blaze your own path.
I totally respect that you want things to work out between you and your W. I get it. If you do, then in my opinion, address the sitch with your Daughter FIRST and then you can figure out what to do with your W. The two ARE NOT CONNECTED. Your daughter will be your daughter for the rest of HER LIFE. Your Wife? Who knows. She may she may not. Ultimately YOU decide what your relationship with your wife will be like.
Me? Knowing that she has another man in the waits….we’ll I’d cut her arse off, go get an arrangement in place for my daughter, protect myself legally from my W and then start the real work which is, the work on you that you keep trying to avoid.
Have you seen your D?
When was the last time you saw her?
What was that time like?
Did she stay with “dad” or did you drop her right back off?
What kind of father do you want to be?
I’ll call you later but like I’ve said – STOP FU*KING AROUND and GO figure out what you want your parental relationship with your daughter to look like. I know you are going to mention “other things” that you are waiting for. I am gonna call that bul*chit! I bet…if your W called you today and said she dump both OM’s and wanted to work on the M if you just flew down to see her your arse would be on a plane faster than I can say Eric. Soooooo……….. what are you gonna do when your daughter says come see me daddy? Cause based on her age, she probably cannot articulate this NOW but she is probably feeling it!
There are some men on these boards that would KILL someone to see their kids, would climb mount everest naked to see their kids….remember that. The longer you wait to address this, the longer your daughter does not have a clear picture of what HER life with DADDY is gonna be like.
Time for ACTION Lost…..time for ACTION.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
A lot of emotion and tears today. W sent me a text to inform me she matched for a residency position for 2014. (Doctor in training) I'm sad but at the same time happy because I showed what a good man/husband looks like to w and her family. I supported her and gave all I got for her to get here. I still Remember the day I drop her off at airport to go to medical school, that was 8yrs ago, and all the hard work I put into traveling and calling programs director to make sure she matched. I'm sad that my pay back was for her to cheat on me and ask for divorce. I'm sad but life goes on. I sent her a text "congratulations, I'm happy for you" and that's about it. I've done what The Lord required from a good man/husband. I've showed what a good husband should stand for, supportive, loving and kind. It's now time for me Work on me,focus on my daughter and the future I want for both of us.
Thanks eric. I was so looking forward to hearing from you here. I'm traveling this weekend to see my daughter. My lawyer said I've a good chance with full custody of my daughter. She's working on putting some Stuff together for the new house now. To be honest, I want my daughter home with me. I'll hate for her to live in a home where her mom come and go with different men. My appeal to return to work looks good, so I may also be returning back to work next month.Looking forward to talking you you later.
Thanks for all the advice and support man. I'm doing better and focusing on bringing my daughter home. I'm traveling this weekend to see her and staying for the whole Week. I get it, my married is dead and gone. It's now time for me to 100% focus on me and my daughter.
Lostforwards! I'm glad to hear from you man. My marriage is dead and gone, I get it. My focus now is my little girl. She's all I got. She's my everything. I want her home with me. My lawyer is working on that. My appeal to return back to work looks good. I'm looking forward to going back to work. I'm at peace man. I'm loving myself and fixing my life. It will take time but I can see some progress.
Live your life by your principles and values....not by your reactions to others.
wise words up there ^^
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
