I appreciate what both of you are saying. Lost! I work on one and 2 a fair amount. I feel the feeling, and then leave it behind. 2, I am trying to redirect my thoughts to dreams of what I would like to do with my life. I guess what I say here has been to vent. When I get in those mindsets, I vent it here, so I am not taking it with me. I do pretty good when she is not around, or when there is not some new note on the fridge about what she is doing.
When it is just me, I am focused on my life. Working on ways to be happier and enjoy what I have. I am exploring parts of my life that I had put on hold when I got married. Things I wanted but felt I needed to compromise for the marriage. Now I can revisit and maybe be able to pursue.
When she is here, or does leave a note, it is like a reminder of what is happening. Her notes, telling me what nights she will be staying here, and which ones she wont. I do my best to ignore it, or vent it here. My posts here tend to be in the mornings, when I see the note, or when I made it through the night with her in the house. The rest of my day is fine. I am happy, I have fun. This is a much better place than I had been. I guess in part I am finally starting to get our M is over. Whether we can build a new one is uncertain. But I am staying on my own life. I have adopted my hobbies back into my life. They are now a part of my daily routine. I need a routine, it is who I am. I mix it up sometimes. But the basic, take care of the dogs, workout, pre prepare my meals, go to work, come home, take care of dogs, eat dinner, watch a movie or show. I throw in projects when there is time.
I feel like I have gotten a lot of my confidence back in who I am, I needed that so bad. I have been rebuilding myself physically, with working out and my style. Feels good, and I see it being noticed from other people. Girls flirting, things like that. I am not ready for that, but it has helped seeing it. I know my ego was pretty hard hit by all this.
I am ok, I can be better, and I am working towards that.
I still love my W very much, but all I can do is me. Maybe someday she will see me, but I am not waiting for her to come back. I am keeping myself from reading into things the best I can. Until she comes at me straight, the little things I read into, I don't believe.
I am ok, I am better than that. I am good. Like I said, sometimes I can just post stuff here so I don't carry it with me through the day.
Me:36 Her:35 together 11yrs M 7 1/2yrs lived together 10yrs 2dogs 2cats Mortgage on a house
bomb dropped 01/12/14 Separate bedrooms/W stays here some nights I want to stay married