I'd like to have fun and spend time with her and thought she would enjoy this
I think this would be a winner!
Agreed^^^...
You can inform her that you do really need HER advice about some clothing for you..and let a spontaneous gift happen for her, if it's organic & natural feeling. Certainly offer it at some point but without pressure...she may have sincere objections but if that's the case, geez, ask her about a charity she'd like you to donate to, in her name...?? I mean, I'm spitballing here...
But if the initial offer to shop or hang out really falls flat, what about saying
"well D, if you [refuse] to shop with me or for me, then what do YOU suggest WE do together for fun?"
NOT "if" or "will she" . The assumption must be that no question exists that you have the right to spend time with your daughter. You do, Luke. Why wouldn't she want to? BTW, my h has been working HARD on the R's he has with our d's. As you may recall, they both felt "abandoned" by h when he went off to Alaska.
He invited the older one (when she was at your d's age) to monthly lunches...he did not arrange it that way, but it happened several times before I saw some improvement and thawing in their R. But it did thaw.
I guess I can theoretically imagine her saying "no!" But is that realistic?? Even my d's, who had a reason for feeling left behind or 'ignored for 2 years" as my youngest said, would not have given him an outright refusal. Frankly it would be rude.
I mean, will she actually "refuse" to do anything with you? Since when?
If it really seems like it's an outright refusal , here are some random ways of pursuing time with her...
- perhaps you can directly ask her IF that is what is happening and if so, why.
AND OR
"d, it feels as if you are refusing to spend time with me and that hurts. I love you very much but it feels as if we've been ships passing in the day, not interacting nearly as much as I'd like...so what will it be??"
OR
"We have a lot of catching up to do" --
AND OR
"you're always going to be my d" and "you're always going to be endless fascinating to me so get used to it"
"so please, humor me, let's shop/visit a museum/go to a concert, X, Y, Z"....
Also, I think if you can make sure you compliment your d with authentic, specific comments that are positive about her. Not so much generic "you're great"
but more like "you're so 'artistic/smart/poetic/funny/beautiful" etc...and how much you enjoy spending time with her,
that she may come to believe even more that you are in the bleachers as her number one fan. (Specificity = believability)
When my dad was terminally ill, we discussed the afterlife and missing him/me.
He mentioned something about how he'd "always be cheering [me] on, from the bleachers" and that he was my "number 1 fan".
I never forgot that...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
