Lost, I think like many people here you still consider yourself married while your spouse does not. To her having an affair is fine because your M is spiritually dead already. You've got to start seeing things that way too. Your M is dead and gone. Work on yourself and eventually she may be drawn back to you and into a new R and M, but for now you have to accept that there is no M.
Like LFW said, YOUR journey is about YOU, not her. SHE must travel HER chosen path. You need to blaze your own. Her chosen path is a damaging one, like many WAS's before her she has chosen to try and "fix" her unhappiness by rushing into the arms of an OM or two or three. That is a fool's errand. She will continue to be unhappy and until she stops messing around and looks within she will never find true happiness. But you can't fix her. You can't speed up her journey. All you can do is get out of the way.
