Very interesting thread and a lot of good questions are being asked. I'll post more later but wanted to address something in this one, that hit me.
Originally Posted By: Mic
I read that and I'm sure I'm projecting but I truly don't understand why he is so selfish. Does it make a significant difference in your course of action, if you "understand"? Probably it could make it easier for you to have compassion for them, or easier to navigate. But it's NOT mandatory.
To this day, I cannot "understand" why my h felt so strongly that living in Alaska, could be more important than keeping our family together. I accept that I likely, never will.
But it was, to him. He's not evil, and though I cannot explain it except in negative terms ("confused, MLC, selfish," or all of the above) I need not explain it at all.
I can spend the rest of my life "trying to understand" that which isn't really understandable to me, or useful, or I can move on, and say "that's what happened and IDK why. Now, where AM I GOING next?"
Life is short. Live it well.
If he truly cared he would do more than everything to keep his marriage together. None of those issues seem like deal breakers.
But they^^ are deal breakers, to him, in his marriage. His perception is his reality. So You're correct about projecting your situation onto Melissa's h. We all tend to do this. But it's not helpful.
The problems with marriages today is no one is truly willing to work and believes the vows. I'm sorry Melissa but he is not willing to give you what u want and what is truly best for the kids. An intact marriage which is truly what the kids are asking so no he is is truly not putting his selfish desires above them. I am so sorry. I hope one day he realizes what he did
Just answer this question (privately if not publicly, ) and it will say a lot about what our internal compass is doing with us or for us, or to us...
the question is, WHY do we all say or "hope one day he realizes what he did"??
B/c that will mean he changes? He can change without regretting the past.
Or b/c we want him to have regret/shame? Which means what, we want revenge? Karma?
It's not our job to fix or equalize our spouse's experience in life. LIFE will do that for them.
(Thank you DB coach for that pearl)
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
