so I really blew it today For some reason I could not stop the tears.. I was so angry with myself.. it was just as he was leaving so not a time to walk away..and I know he hates it, the crying..
Some of it was frustration.. trying to sell the house, keep it in good shape and he says see you in a month ...maybe...some of it was that the morning had been like it was before BD fixing some things on the computer, and then I realized he is leaving to go back to her- He was friendly and easy to be with. The stress seems to be reducing. he kept saying that NOONE will control him so I am not sure if he meant me.. or her or the world..(way too much mind reading) He is so anxious about being controlled. Then he talks about when he is in a better place for himself will he be able to think about anyone else.
Our conversations were pleasant and some were philosophical and a little relational.. though I tried to avoid that but this afternoon.. mess.. tears, sobs, more tears...The whole process of selling, finidng a new place though he is going to help with that...moving.. and mostly alone.. I was a mess. so did not do light and breezy and friendly.. He said he had enjoyed the concert..so that was positive.. I hate my weakness to day..though there was no more divorce talk...but than again we both know nothing can happen with that until December..
