melissa, continued . . .

[paul19510]

M, Drop the rope. Don't respond much I at all except possibly to say, "....it's done now, ...I would have preferred we told them together. it's done now...." you probably don't even need to tell him that. he probably already knows you don't agree.

On its face, I see glimmers that he gets the kids need BOTH of you. also, I see that he got the point that the kids hurt because he's not there....he might actually be seeing that now. It doesn't mean he feels differently about the M. But, it might also hold a clue as to the attitudes and spewing you are seeing from him.

Remember yesterday when I told you IMHO that his anger or attitude might be because he's seeing the reality of the situation and what he did. I was referring to his R with you, but it also applies to his R with the kids.

My W sees herself as the victim too. We each see ourselves as the victims. I think 25's signature line is right... forgiveness is the only way out of hell. On both sides of this.

I don't think anything you do/will do/can do will save him from his decisions. This whole situation feels awful. I think our WAS's get that at some point. I'm not saying he's there yet, but I'd let him just soak in whatever it is that made him write you that email.

You can't fix it/deny it/defend it/explain it. its H's truth. No matter what you do, he's not going to change that view...unless he changes it himself (((M)))