I honestly do not believe that your H was cornered into telling the kids about the situation being permanent without you being there. He could have consoled the kids without going there. I have done it and I am sure you have done it on numerous occasions. I think that saying he did the best he could with the hand he was dealt is not accurate and simply making excuses for his unacceptable behavior.
I do agree that what happened already happened and can't be changed so you need to be there for the kids.
