Barrybran IV - Three Years Forward, 30 Years Back

[unbidden]

Just be calm and pleasant. No pursuing, no contacting etc right now...

[Barrybran]

And find a microwave manual, right? :p

[Barrybran]

Journaling:s

Today didn't turn out too bad. I started the day alone in my house as my wife stayed elsewhere last night. I was in thought for a while this morning and popped in here to let some thoughts out. I didn't message my wife in the end; I feel I know right from wrong as far as DB is concerned at the moment. I did some much needed housework and read 5LL. I read the chapter on 'Words of Affirmation' and I recalled the times I had carelessly bad-mouthed my wife to other people. I didn't have any intention the times, just to let out a thought or let off steam, but 5LL made me think that I'd been talking my wife down not only to my wife but other people too. It's easy to knock another person behind their back but I should be pumping my wife up to other people and I haven't been.

My wife and parents arrived home about the same time. My wife wanted me to do some shopping so she made a list and went to pick up the kids from family friends. I did the shopping in about 20 minutes. I thanked my wife for her list noting how easy shopping was because of it. My Dad remarked that I didn't "muck around" with the shopping and I praised my wife's organisation to him. I know it'll take effort and may seem insincere initially but both my thanks to my wife and praise of my wife to my father were both sincere. Just one chapter has made me realise that I didn't truly appreciate my wife and took her for granted. I've learned through DB/DR to appreciate the things she does for me and 5LL is just adding to that notion.

The afternoon was largely uneventful as a storm passed through. I'd done much of the indoors work and I couldn't do much outside so my family just relaxed. My wife played games for a while before inviting me to join her and we played some more in the evening. She was a little warmer today which is odd because she was feeling very uncomfortable with my parents around before they departed two weeks ago. My parents are only here until Wednesday though so things will be back to (the new kind of) normal on Wednesday.

[Lostforwords]

You are doing good B...Just keep doing it.

You are picking up the mistakes you are making which is a very good thing.

As for the shopping...I agree with your wife, once a week. Shopping multiple times a week has been proven to lead to high shopping costs overall....Just too many temptation items to buy.

As for dinners....ask the night before or the morning of...if she is unsure, say what you would like. Then if she says that is fine, then pull it out and defrost it.

Microwave is good too, but does take some time to learn not to microwave cook things.

[Barrybran]

Cheers LFW. I hope you had a good few days.

Journaling:

I am pretty darn tired this morning. It's 5am and I'm up for work after a pretty average night. I decided to sleep in D2's room (wife asked where I was sleeping and D2's was my choice) so off I went. An hour later, D2 goes out into the living area complaining of pain so I tend to her. She decides she wants her bed back so I set up on the floor, trying not to wake wife as I grab blankets from our room in the process. D3 then gets up so I suggest she jumps into bed with my wife (where D2 started). I become uncomfortable so I head to D3's bed, just start to drift off and D3 walks in. Grrr :p After sending her back to bed with wife, I drift off to sleep. I wasn't game to look at the time. Yay for kids :p

[Barrybran]

I just spoke with a real-world friend of mine from Iowa who is very pro-marriage. She knows me very well; she's always had a way with people and takes the time to learn about them so when I mentioned my marriage problems were me "being me" she knows what I mean. Anyway, she directed me to 5LL, which I have already started reading. I found this funny as she was directed to it before she got married (I attended her wedding in 2009) and her and her husband constantly post nice things about each other on Facebook. She's always been such a lovely woman but I understand even more why her marriage is good.

And the vast majority of us find out about these resources after the problems start...

[zew]

And the vast majority of us find out about these resources after the problems start...

Oh, absolutely.
I swear that there are about 5 books that I'm going to insist my children read before even thinking about getting married.

And as I told my W when bomb dropped, so many of these thing could be so easily changed, because I love you and would do that for you, if only I had known. Of course, she wasn't listening by then...

[Barrybran]

Yeah, showing the kids isn't a bad idea. I'll make the future in-laws read them too haha. "Wanna marry my daughter? Read this!"

[Lostforwords]

That is the shame of the situations that are seen hear....most of them could have been resolved if people had used the resources previous to the bomb. Even then though, it takes two people to make things work.

Marriage is work and not the movies.....I say that as hindsight is 20/20 LOL

[Barrybran]

Yep. I must admit, I had a very Hollywood view of marriage. I'm glad I came across these resources. I could see myself as the bitter old man at age 70... or worse, wind up as a single-Dad version of my own Dad

I don't intend to mindread but my wife appears to not have the same positive attitude I have at the moment or if she does, apparently not to the same extent. I guess the 'turnaround' in the WAS has to occur when both parties are happy. I look forward to the interactions I have with future-happy-wife (not speculating we'll reconcile but the interactions will be interesting whatever direction she takes).