Thanks for making me a fighter...

[LoisB]

Wishing,

You can't change who their dad is. You are giving them a safe place to sort through their feelings.

I think it makes a lot of sense that, now the living arrangement is settled, the kids are now able to deal with their own feelings. And, now the kids are on the heat seat in terms of dealing with your crazee H alone.

I've been thinking about your situation a lot. My parents had a terrible divorce. I was so bitter and angry with my father. Then, my mother remarried a very sick man who was abusive to us all.

We have to deal with terrible things on this board. All of us, in one or another, have been let down profoundly by people we trusted.

But, that's life. I don't say this to be flippant. Life is hard. Life presents challenges. Challenging people, situations and seemingly overwhelming obstacles. That just IS.

And, it our children, sadly, are learning this earlier than maybe the kid down the street...or maybe not...Maybe our kids are the lucky ones in some ways.

Our kids are forced to face these issues, which are life, and come up with coping skills which could, in the long run, help them navigate life better.

My dad had, on the surface, an ideal childhood. He grew up in the fifties. He had a beautiful home, a pool, he was captain of the football team, president of his senior class... And, he went on to make terrible mistakes which haunt his children to this day.

What if, your kids are learning how to create a beautiful, loving, family and marriage BECAUSE they are being exposed to the worse case scenario??? Maybe this is the rough spot, but, in the long run, they will turn out to be more loyal, loving and appreciative when they do settle down and create their own families.

I think the key is to allow them to feel WHATEVER they are feelings. Validate their feelings. Be a safe place to land. God will guide them to their own solutions and honest appraisals of this current situation. God help your H. He will be the example of "what NOT to do."